It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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