and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize