Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize