am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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