I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
