I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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