True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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