I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
