Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
