oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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