I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
