my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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