Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
