I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
