Only a mothe r could love this liver
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
