my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
