The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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