Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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