She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
