well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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