Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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