I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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