I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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