You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
