i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why do cheetos always look like penises
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
