I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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