we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
