I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think I won the penis lottery.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
