that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
