I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
