Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
