I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
