I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
