God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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