Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
