So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
