I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
