Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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