I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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