Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
