..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
