Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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