Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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