I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
