Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
pray to the hookup gods
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
