I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
