TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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