I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
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i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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