I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
