Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
