I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
