He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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