i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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