I CAN MOONWALK!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
