so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
