Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
