Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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