she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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