Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
