I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
