He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
