I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
