When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
