he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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