True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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