I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm jealous of your bromance
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
