Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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