I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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