I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We need to rekindle our bromance
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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