OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize