So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Your dad touched me again.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
