Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
