if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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