We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
