Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
how does that bad decision feel?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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