Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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