Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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