Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
